We all have them.  We all form expectations for how a situation will play out; how someone will act, how we will react, what will happen next, and so on.  Sometimes we hit the nail on the head, and everything plays out just as we had hoped.  But more often, our expectations or preconceived notions get in the way of allowing us to be a present and a fully engaged participant in what actually takes place.  

Whenever I begin forming expectations, I recall a time early in my career when I was working for The Home Depot and a new manager was assigned to my department.  After a hand shake and brief introduction, I had already determined this person’s personality and leadership style was about to drastically alter my life at work.  My spirits plummeted as I thought through the different scenarios and how unhappy my week days were about to become as a result of this personnel change.  I lost my appetite and couldn’t get a good night’s sleep.  Long story, short, I wasted an inordinate amount of time and energy feeling anxiety about all that wasn’t about to go my way only to be proven completely wrong.  She ended up being an outstanding boss and my work life dramatically improved.

As a group therapist, I’ve talked to many clients about the possibility of group therapy - recognizing their fears and helping to form realistic expectations.  Almost always participants who join a group will report later that their group experience was wholly divergent than what they expected.  Further, most participants report that if they knew how beneficial group therapy actually proved to be for them, they could have spent the time wasted dragging their feet or making up excuses and instead joined a group earlier and begun participating, learning, and growing in the group!  So, let me take a moment to paint a truer picture of group therapy - or help you adjust your expectations.  

Expect to partake in a screening interview where the group facilitator will schedule time to get to know you and learn what you hope to gain from joining the group.  In the screening interview, the therapist will assess if you’re ready to join a group immediately, or if you might benefit by first engaging in individual therapy prior to joining a group.  Normally during the screening interview the group facilitator will make a clear recommendation of what he/she believes will be your most profitable course forward.

Expect to pay whether you attend group or not.  Group therapy is different from individual or marital therapy in that when the group meets, group members pay regardless of their attendance in the group.

Expect the group facilitator to ask you to make a commitment when joining the group.  Nearly always, something will happen in a new group member’s first several weeks that will be disruptive (i.e. create major feelings and cause them to think about quitting the group).  Your group facilitator knows this is likely to happen, and wants you to commit on the front end to hang in there and work through whatever is proving difficult!  Working through whatever shows up is often some of the best work a new group member can do and will help the new member feel a greater sense of belonging in the group.

Expect the group to have guidelines.  Guidelines around confidentiality and participation are essential to a healthy, functioning group.  If the group doesn’t have clear guidelines, it is worth pausing to investigate the purpose of the group and qualifications of the group facilitator.

Expect the new or existing members of the group to have feelings about you joining the group.  Yes, two important points here.  First, a large part of the work of each individual group member is to grow in their ability to know and verbalize their feelings. What better place to practice than the beginning of a new group, or a new group member joining an existing group, to check in on how everyone in the group is feeling.  Second, right from the start, group therapy will help you recognize what you are feeling, become aware of what others are feeling, and experience the different reactions to the various feelings taking place in the group.

Expect to share, listen, give and be offered feedback.  Participation is essential for you to get the most out of the group, and for the group to get the most out of you.  While curative or therapeutic factors are available to any group member sitting in the circle, and participation is always the choice of the participant, those who participate the most will get the most out of their time in group.  

Expect the group facilitator to focus on what is happening in the group.  Most group members will tend to want to focus on historical events that took place outside of the group (event at work, fight with a significant other, boundaries when mom came to visit for the weekend, etc.).  Just know, the very best group has to offer is not to focus on what took place elsewhere, but to focus on what is taking place in the very moment of the group itself.  

Expect to grow.  Group therapy participants almost always develop a clarity in their emotional communication and increased interpersonal availability.  Western culture and education favors cognitive ability over emotional functioning. Group therapy offers participants the possibility of becoming more acquainted with the full spectrum of their feelings and a safe place to learn how to best utilize those feelings in relationships.

Expect to enjoy your time in group.  It is understandable if your fear or shame prevents you from having an enjoyable time your first several groups.  But as you start to get a feel for yourself in the group, and start to get to know the other group members, expect to look forward to your time in group.  Most experienced group members will report that their time in the therapy group is some of the most rewarding, beneficial, and intimate time of their week. 

Expect change to take time. Many clients think a couple of sessions and boom, everything is better.  Expect interpersonal change in a therapy group to take a minimum of 20 weeks. I encourage most of my group participants to regularly attend group for a year.

Expectations can often prevent us from fully engaging in the moment, which detracts from the way we experience life.  Rather than being guided by expectations and the fear they produce, group therapy helps participants to face life as it unfolds in all of its beautiful uncertainty. Are you ready to experience life as it happens?

Jeff Grossman offers individual and group therapyin Nashville & Brentwood, Tennessee.